Finding My Way with Food

Food is the nemesis of many women and girls.  We crave it, we need it, we avoid it, we hate what it does to us, and we think about it much of the time. When we cook, grocery shop, eat, plan parties, worry about what our family members are eating…we are also drawing on our own memories of the role food has played in our lives….
I remember looking through a Betty Crocker cookbook as a child.  It had photos of glorius birthday cakes, each one frosted and decorated, each one tantalizing an exciting.  I made a SoulCollage(R) card for the little girl who fantasized about her birthday and asked Mom every day to make a cake just like the one in her favorite picture in the cookbook.  One year Mom actually created the cake that was in the photo!  It was a white frosted cake with candy canes and cherries on it, making it look like a drum in a marching band.  How exciting to have my dream come true! I wanted to have it all to myself, never wanted to cut it, but of course….it had to be eaten.  I can still taste the white icing–and the maraschino cherries.  I can still feel the soft cake crumbs on my fingers.  I feel the special feeling of being a kid who has been celebrated. ….Could I eat that cake today with complete abandon as I did when I was five? Could I enjoy every bite, and savor the special moment? Maybe, if I could eat like my five year old, without the anxiety that goes with enjoying something sweet,  I could enjoy my food instead of fearing it, and then craving the satisfaction that I missed later…..maybe really being in the moment with each bite would change the way I approach my food…..