Welcome to my new website! I feel some trepidation as I step into this new phase of my life and work. Becoming a grandmother for the first time seven months ago has brought me into a new stage of personal development. At the same time, I feel I have traveled full circle around a spiral back to myself as a young mother. Motherhood is a tremendous shift in all ways for a woman. Not only are we challenged by the addition of a new precious being who is wholly dependent on us for life, nurturing, safety, and joy; but we are also presented with the daunting task of balancing work challenges, family challenges, and personal needs. As I watch my daughter adjusting to her new role as Mom, I remember myself when my children were babies and toddlers, and I wish I could go back and talk to myself from the place I sit now.
If I could travel back in time, I would tell my twenty nine year old self that she is brave, and strong, and able to love and nurture her children even during those times when she feels deep regret and shame for not being the perfect mother. I would want to be with my young mother Self when was feeling guilty for having yelled at her little ones, when she told them to leave her alone, when she pushed them away because she did not feel like she could be with them in a loving way. I would tell her that things will turn out ok. That she is human and will never be the perfect mother. I will remind her that if she can continue to strive to be the most loving mom she can be, her kids will turn out fine. They will love her, even in her craziness, and will help her learn to pay attention to her own needs. I would tell her that caring for herself in any way that she can…taking a few minutes here and there during her day to be alone, to walk in nature, to meditate, to listen to music, to talk to a friend, will help her be the mom she wants to be.
I feel myself revisiting the need for balance in my own life now as a grandmother, family member, writer, facilitator, and artist. It is so much easier now to achieve balance because I have the gift of time and the ability to choose. It is also a paradox because time is limited in a longer term way. I know that the number of years ahead of me are fewer than those behind. I am working with accepting mortality and facing the desire to do some good in the world before I pass. In that sense, time is limited again, although in a larger context. What would I tell myself thirty or more years from now? What might I want to communicate to the mothers and grandmothers of this world when I am on the other side? How can I use my limited time on Earth to help those who will come after me?
I would like to explore these questions and more in this blog. My desire is to communicate hope, encouragement, comfort, and joy to those of us working things out on this planet as parents, grandparents, family members, and creative beings. I would like to access the wisdom of the grandmothers, teachers, role models and all those who came before us. Perhaps they can offer us stories, experiences, suggestions and wisdom from wherever they are. Maybe they can remind us how to have fun when times are challenging. Perhaps there is a recipe, a song, or a game that brought them solace, comfort, or joy. Our ancestors survived terrible times and may have much to offer us now as we struggle and strive to be the best parents, grandparents, teachers and role models that we can be for the next seven generations.